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8 things only pasty white girls understand during summer

July 30, 2020 by Jill 2 Comments

One of my strongest memories from my 1970’s childhood is of my mom sunbathing. She’d put on her bikini, fill up her Tupperware tumbler with iced coffee, grab her pack of Salems, her large brown bottle of coconut-scented oil and head for the backyard. She’d grease up and bask in the sun for hours. After one afternoon, she’d have an enviable golden glow. By summer’s end, she was a deep bronze and I figured this was the “savage tan” that brown bottle of oil was talking about. I’m one of those pasty white girls and although I mourned lack of ability to get that savage tan for all of my teens and most of my twenties, I’m okay with the skin I’m in now. 

I mean…good thing because it’s what I’m stuck with. 

I inherited a lot of good DNA from my mom but skin tone is not one of them. Sadly, I inherited my dad’s complexion: the kind of pasty white skin that burns easily after only a few minutes in the sun. My summer skin is either pasty white or bright red. If I consistently spend a lot of time outdoors all summer, I might have something that resembles a tan by August. Maybe. People talk about that “burn that turns to tan” but that doesn’t happen for me.

Summer for me means long-sleeved shirts with UV protection, floppy hats that would look great on some old lady gardener and planning summertime outings to avoid the sun’s strongest rays. Here are some things only pale women understand and, if you find yourself nodding your head while reading this list, then you’re probably one of us pasty white girls, too. Solidarity.

Table of Contents

  • Eight things only pasty white girls understand
    • 1. We are totally oblivious to comments like “OMG your legs are SO WHITE”
    • 2. We have at least three “favorite sunscreens”
    • 3. We all have that one horrible “this one time I forgot to put on sunscreen” story
    • 4. We can recite the SPF levels on all the products in our beauty bags and medicine cabinets
    • 5. We recognize the power of Aloe Vera
    • 6. We’ve accepted we’re never going to be able to pull off an all-white outfit…
    • 7. We worry about getting sunburned in places most people don’t worry about getting sunburned
    • 8. The foundation shade of “Palest Ivory” is just a smidge too dark 

Eight things only pasty white girls understand

things-only-pasty-girls-understand-ripped-jeans-and-bifocals

1. We are totally oblivious to comments like “OMG your legs are SO WHITE”

Because we’ve heard it before. So. Many. Times. We’re particularly used to hearing this during the middle of the summer when we first break out the shorts and the bathing suits and someone makes the inevitable, tacky comment about needing their sunglasses. 

Yep. I know my legs are “so white.” Also? Don’t comment on someone’s body. This is 2020 for crying out loud. 

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2. We have at least three “favorite sunscreens”

I mean…at least. Here are my top picks for my fellow pasties:

I really love the Cotz sunscreen for my face. It’s slightly tinted and takes the place of foundation on an active day. It can also be used in place of a primer. 

The Coola is the one natural sunscreen I really trust on my body when the sun is strong. Many natural sunscreens just don’t do their job as far as blocking out the sun goes but this one is the best I’ve found. They also have a great spray for your hair and scalp. I usually wear a hat when I know I’m going to be out in the sun for an extended period of time but if you’ve ever had a burn on your scalp, you know why they make products like this.

Finally, the Neutrogena is my go-to for aerosol sunscreen. I know it’s not the most environmentally friendly sun protection but it does the trick as far as great coverage goes.

3. We all have that one horrible “this one time I forgot to put on sunscreen” story

Mine was going on a weekend camping/canoeing trip in high school with my beautifully olive-skinned friend and her beautifully olive-skinned family. My pasty self forgot to pack sunscreen and, since my friend’s family turned a lovely golden color after being in the sun for approximately 10 minutes, no one had any SPF 500 I could borrow.

Instead of explaining to my friend’s mom that my pasty white skin would fry without sun protection, I had the typical bulletproof teen attitude and proceeded to float down the river in an inner tube. Wearing a bikini. For six hours. I spent the rest of the camping trip holed up in a tent and crying because it hurt to wear a shirt. Or a bra. Fun times. 

4. We can recite the SPF levels on all the products in our beauty bags and medicine cabinets

If you want to have a heart-to-heart about sun protection, ask the girl with the glowing white legs. We know all the things. 

Here are a few more of my SPF heavy faves:

I always look for products that have an extra layer of SPF. The Cotz lip balm has SPF 45 which is the recommended level for lip protection. That’s my go-to balm for when I’m going to be outdoors for an extended period of time.

I do wear makeup most of the time and the Clarins link I provided is for my everyday foundation. I found it by doing a search for best foundations for mature skin and the fact that it has SPF in it is a bonus. Other than that, it’s a really nice, light foundation that has beautiful coverage. 

5. We recognize the power of Aloe Vera

Because as much as we pasty white girls try to avoid those harmful UV rays, getting burned happens sometimes. That stuff inside the leaves of the magical Aloe vera plant is… well, magic. THIS is my favorite aloe vera gel, if you want to try it out.

6. We’ve accepted we’re never going to be able to pull off an all-white outfit…

…and we’re fine with that. See also: yellow doesn’t look much better. Glowing bronze skin looks awesome against an all-white sundress but pasty white girls like me know they will never have glowing bronze skin unless it comes from a spray tan machine.

7. We worry about getting sunburned in places most people don’t worry about getting sunburned

You better believe I slather sunscreen in my hair to make sure my scalp doesn’t get burned… and then I put a hat on. I don’t mess around. And yeah, people look at me funny because I spray the tops of my feet with sunscreen about every 20 minutes when I’m at the beach or pool. Those people have obviously never experienced the pain of burned skin on their tootsies.

8. The foundation shade of “Palest Ivory” is just a smidge too dark 

Still waiting for Clarins or Lancome to roll out  “Pastiest Ivory” or “Pallor.” I bet one of those is my signature shade.

 


2 Comments

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Comments

  1. Melissa Coble says

    June 10, 2019 at 9:22 pm

    LOL! This is too funny!

    Reply
  2. Ava says

    June 30, 2019 at 6:56 am

    Being one of those pasty white girls, the title of this post intrigued me. I’m maybe not the pastiest of white but close and could relate to this so much. Thanks for the giggle.

    Reply

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All About Jill

I'm a digital content creator and essayist who copes with parenting and most other situations with humor and snark. Just so you know, if this weren't the internet, I'd be smiling awkwardly and answering simple questions like "How are you today" with gems like "I like pockets."

I really do love pockets, though.

I spent 26 years in the USAF, which went by really, really fast. I'm very proud of my service but I'm loving my second act even more. Writing gives me the opportunity to flex my creative muscles and that's what makes me happy. Welcome.

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Jill Robbins
Here’s something you’ve probably never seen be Here’s something you’ve probably never seen before: my bottom teeth.
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I always hide my crooked bottom teeth in pictures and I’m super self-conscious when I talk. So I did something about it.
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I wore braces as a kid and my top teeth are straight but my bottom teeth are shifting and one tooth is traveling into the back of my mouth and I have some crowding. My orthodontist said it’s very unusual to put braces on just half your mouth but my bite is still aligned so they didn’t have to put them on my top teeth - my wallet is thankful.
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Questions I’ve already been asked:
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1️⃣ At your age? Yes, at my age. I still care about my smile. 
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3️⃣ How long do you have to wear them?
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6-9 months.
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3️⃣ Do they hurt? 
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My teeth are sore and my mouth is tender but not to the Tylenol level so I guess the answer is “Not too much.”
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Other questions? Advice?
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#braceface #adultbraces
Little things can really be big - do you agree? M Little things can really be big - do you agree?

My husband gets up with our kids twice a week and does their breakfast and morning routine and takes them to school so I can sleep in. I don't laze away the morning in bed - it usually amounts to about an extra hour of sleep for me and a little more peace and quiet as I start my day. 

This probably seems like a little thing but this is huge for me. The mental benefits of not having to set my alarm on a schoolday is truly my love language. I would rather have sleep than flowers or presents. 

On those morning where my husband takes my kids to school, I will inevitably find the kitchen not "just so." There will be spills on the table or something that didn't get put away. I resist the urge to be sarcastic or to ask "Um, is there a reason we have four boxes of cereal just sitting on the counter?" or point out that it would take less than 30 seconds to wipe a tabletop or put a box back on the shelf. I resist saying stuff like "I guess if I want it done a certain way, I have to do it myself." I don't even say that to myself. 

My husband isn't "doing me a favor" by taking care of our kids. When I talked about being stressed and tired during an argument last year, he offered to take some things off my plate and giving me two mornings where I don't have to set an alarm was one of his ideas. It's part of the give and take of marriage and even though it makes me clench a little when I see spilled milk or stuff that hasn't put away, I appreciate having a partner who shares the load with me. 

My marriage definitely is not perfect and I'm in no position to give relationship advice. But for us, this one little thing is a really big deal. 

And, as I've recently discovered, a cereal box can sit on the counter for several days and the world doesn't explode. Who knew.

#thisisus #thisismarriage #loveandmarriage #happywifehappylife #marriedlife #mancrusheveryday #texas #texasstyle #rippedjeansandbifocals #marriagegoals #relationshipgoals #coparenting #parenting #momlifebelike #momlifeisthebestlife #ocd #ocdmomproblems #ocdmommy
Anyone else having massive “This time last year” moments?
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2020 started out so fine. We extended our kids’ winter break to take them on a Disney Cruise- no better reason than that, amiright- and I was excited about all the Disney Cruise blog posts I was going to write. Disney Cruises are (errr...were?) one of the most searched terms on my website and how a lot of people found me.
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Early 2020 was such a time of hope and light that pretty much everyone took for granted.
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While it’s become glaringly obvious the change in the calendar isn’t a magic potion, I still have hope for this year and still believe there magic yet to happen.
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You know...the good stuff.
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#believe #disneycruise #disneycruiseline #disneycruiselife #disneywonder #disneymagic #disneycreators #disneycreatordays #mondayxmhe #disneymagicmoments #nowmorethanever
We got our first Raddish Kids box right before the We got our first Raddish Kids box right before the holidays and finally dug into it this weekend. Our box had a cold-weather theme which was perfect for this cold weather we're having (flurries in San Antonio can you believe it?!)

Each box contains three recipe cards, a culinary tool, an iron-on patch and Table Talk conversation starter cards. A shopping list is included and also emailed to you in advance in case you want to be ready to cook as soon as your box arrives. You buy all the groceries yourself. 

We made homemade chicken and dumplings this weekend and they turned out amazing. If you need modifications (i.e. gluten or dairy free) you can hop on to the @raddishkids website and go to the "Bonus Bites" section. You'll find modifications, food videos, extra recipes, parent info and more fun stuff. 

The price ranges from $20-$24 per box depending on what type of subscription you choose. Boxes are designed for kids 4-14+ with varying degrees of supervision needed depending on your child's skills and age. Kyle and i have done two meals from this box - we still have cookies left to make - and worked together about 50-50. It was a lot of fun. 

To order yours, here's my affiliate link https://raddish-kids-monthly-delivery.sjv.io/edoAr or read my full review (link in bio)

#raddishkids #raddishkidscook #raddishkidsrecipes #kidswhocook #kidchef
I think today would be better if I could hang out I think today would be better if I could hang out with donkeys all day. 

There's a reason animals are used in therapy - they are both comforting and fun. This picture was from our October outing to Wassermann's Wranch outside of Alpine (in West Texas.) I love my beautiful state and the landscape of West Texas fascinates me because it's so different than what I see every day here near San Antonio.

Wassermann's Wranch is located just a few miles outside the city. It's a private hobby farm that sees visitors by reservation. It's absolutely worth planning your day around and you can check out more in my blog post linked in my bio.

I didn't realize I liked donkeys until I got to know these guys. The owner, Heidi, told me "I think you might be a donkey chick."

I think I'm OK with that. 

#texas #texastodo #alpinetexas #alpinetexas #westtexas #westtexastravel #texastravel #fridayxvibez #familytravel #visitaplinetexas #donkeysofinstagram #donkeys #donkeyselfie
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