MORE signs you are a preschool parent

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Preschooler: a word to describe that whirly wind period between toddlerhood and middle childhood. Preschoolers are a joy. They are busy. They are messy.  They are a pain in the ass.

They cry inconsolably for weird reasons. They occasionally pee their pants…usually when you’re lulled in to a false sense of potty training security and have decided to take them to Target without a backup Pullup.  They’re too big for an ergo carrier and too young for real logic and reasoning. It’s a no-man’s land in parenting that we grumble about when we’re in the “I can’t get any effing sleep” thick of it. We miss it when it’s gone…and it’s gone all too fast, am I right, parents?

I wrote last week about some signs that there were preschoolers in your house.  You can read it HERE.

Here are five more signs preschoolerisms that might make you laugh…or cry and run for the wine.  Either is okay.  We’re in this together, moms.

You have at least two Dr. Seuss books memorized verbatim.

I’m sort of a badass: I can recite the complete text of “Go Dog Go” and page turn at the appropriate spots with my eyes closed. This comes in handy on those nights I’m extra exhausted. Like nights ending in “y.” Yep. I have some mad mommy skillz.

Bonus to you if you randomly inject Seussisms in everyday conversation. The other day, the words “would you eat these on a house; would you eat these with a mouse” came out of my mouth as I slapped a plate of scrambled eggs in front of my son. I’m not sure where that came from but clearly I don’t have enough adult conversation in my life.

Phrases like “because I said so,” “good job,” and “stop touching that” fly out of your mouth at random intervals.

I’ve become my mom but I’m too tired to care.

You’re convinced mac n’ cheese in the blue box is its own separate food group.

Anything made by Chef BoyArdee, Kraft or Tyson is a food staple in your house. You might snicker about the “I’ll never serve my kids that crap” comments you made pre-kid and you might tout the “oh yes, we’re an all-organic family” to the other moms at playgroup. Mmm hmm. And props to you if you cook more than one meal at dinnertime (especially if you said you’d never be that mom.)

Your house contains an infinite amount of broken crayons, headless, naked Barbies (or action figures) and many containers of mud-colored Play Dough.

You smile indulgently at new parents who run around trying to stay “ahead of the mess” (like that’s a thing). You laugh at the ones who try to keep the Play Dough colors separated, because you know you were there once.  And, if you’re a new parent, I’ll let you in on a secret:  all Play Dough eventually turns a gross, muddy purplish brown color eventually.  Stop trying for color integrity, you’ll drive yourself to drink.  You’re welcome.

5 more signs you are a preschool parent|Ripped Jeans and Bifocals|parenting humor|@JillinIL

By the time the preschool years roll around, you’ve pretty much resigned yourself to the fact that your house will look like crap unless company is coming over. Then, there will be one room that doesn’t look like crap and you worry that your guests are going to look behind the couch. Unless you’re really too tired to care, which is a safe bet.

The words “clean enough” spout from your lips at least once a day.

This may apply to your kitchen floor, your hair, or your kiddo’s underwear. The bar is low. You’re okay with that.

You have that brief moment at the recycling bin when you consider whether or not the item you’re tossing can be made in to a fun kid’s craft.

I’ve learned not to give in to that moment. I’ve had enough Pinterest fails to learn my lesson. Making a robot out of popsicle sticks, milk cartons and yarn is not “oh so easy and fun.” Sure, I have that “maybe this would…” minute before I toss my yogurt cups in to my environmentally friendly bin, but I almost never give in to it. Effing Pinterest.

Life is never dull when you have a small human living in your house.

What’s on your list?

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20 Comments

  1. Thank goodness the bar is low, I was beginning to worry that I didn’t care enough. My mother still mocks me when I try with food. She doesn’t have to eat 100% great, but I’d like a large portion of her intake to be healthy. So, no mom, cookies aren’t a good enough snack for the entire week. Please offer her something else.

  2. I am organic-ish, but I’m pretty sure organic boxed mac and cheese is still crap. We eat it anyway, but there is no substitute for the neon orange cheese powder in Kraft. I have most of these covered!

  3. Not only do I have several books memorized but my kids have them memorized with me! My kid can ‘read’ the whole book and turn the pages at the right time when he can’t even read at all.

  4. The bar is so low, and my son is only two months into being a toddler. I just read my future… I will definitely think back to this post when it comes so that I remember to laugh!

  5. Oh good lawd, all true! I cannot count the number of times I’ve watched Lorax with my 3yo and she’s got the lines memorized only that she can’t pronounce all the words correctly. Kinda cute in an irritating manner. Hahahaha!

  6. I kept the Playdoh separate for the first kid. He was annoyed when I gave up on the habit with little brother. At some point it dawned on me that Playdoh is a buck a can and I could just freakin’ buy more when it got ugly.

  7. I’ve raised two daughters into the double digits (10 &12), but now I have a 4 month old son and I’m trying to refresh my memory on all of these raising-a-toddler quirks! It’s amazing how much you forget over the years.

    Love the picture too! 🙂

  8. Oh yes play dough is not staying one color. For those of us with boy preschoolers you need to add saying the word penis 25 times in a single day is completely normal. Point your penis down when you pee. No one wants to see your penis, go put on clothes. Yes, you have a penis no we don’t need to talk about it.

  9. So funny and so true! As a mom and a preschool teacher, I’m always looking at the recycling bin for craft ideas! (I usually say screw it, though, and just get rid of my garbage.)

  10. Ha!! I love the “clean enough”. My preschooler is my third child… he is a boy and if I reacted to him getting dirty or muddy….or sticky or the various surfaces he touches.. like I did with my firstborn, I would be on bed rest for pure exhaustion and stress..I’m on my way there anyway…Lol. Also, the penis is just an appendage of wonder and must be grabbed and pulled almost all the time…sigh.

  11. Ha! These are all so true!

    Thank you for stopping by the Thoughtful Spot Weekly Blog Hop this week. We hope to see you drop by our neck of the woods next week!

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