• All About Jill
  • Media Kit
    • Privacy Policy
    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter

Ripped Jeans & Bifocals

Adoption, motherhood and midlife

  • Home
  • Christmas
  • Travel
    • Montana Travel
    • Texas
    • East Coast
    • West Coast
    • Midwest
    • Southwest
    • Way Out West
    • Everything Else
    • Disney
    • Cruises
    • Travel Tips
  • Lifestyle
    • Mom Life
    • Adoption
    • Entertainment
    • Cars
    • Recipes
    • Blogging
  • Mom Life & Adoption
    • Mom Life
    • Adoption
    • Listen To Your Mother

Handling the holidays when you’re adopting

September 11, 2020 by Jill Leave a Comment

If you are in the process of trying to build your family, the holidays can add an extra layer of stress. And, despite the joy they can bring, the holidays are sometimes just stressful all by themselves. There’s a lot of uncertainty attached to the holidays this year. All plans seems to have that “up in the air” element right now…thanks global pandemic. I do know a lot of people who are planning out their holidays a little bit earlier this year. I’ve heard a lot of people say early Christmas prep makes people happy. I’ve got some tips for handling the holidays when you’re adopting to help you navigate some potentially tense situations with extended family and friends this holiday season. 

And sometimes, it’s hard to directly address a situation that makes you uncomfortable. Sharing this article on your social networks or emailing it to loved ones as a resource may do the trick of getting the message across without making you feel weird. 

Disclaimer: We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Thank you so much for your support.

Table of Contents

  • Handling adoption during the holidays: The questions
  • Handling adoption during the holidays: The comments
  • How to handle being around kids
  • Try something different this year?

Handling adoption during the holidays: The questions

Chances are, this holiday season will put you in contact with relatives or friends you haven’t seen in a while. They’ll be anxious to catch up on your news and vice versa.

Oh, you’re adopting, did you say?

Being center stage at a family gathering can be awkward if you’re not a natural attention seeker. And, even if you do relish the spotlight, some of the questions can be a little invasive and personal. And, just because it’s family doesn’t mean you have to be okay with doing a deep dive into your motivations to adopt and your fertility.

Are you still trying to get pregnant? Now that you’re adopting, I bet you’ll get pregnant.

Hopefully not followed by queries of how long you’ve been trying to get pregnant or speculation on the position of your uterus.

Why are you adopting from (insert whatever system or place you’re not adopting from.)?

Because someone will always hold the opinion that that’s where you should be adopting from versus where you are.

And sadly, whether you’re adopting after an experience with infertility or not, people will most likely assume you are. Every situation is different but if a couple who has been childless for a while announces an adoption, it seems like open season on discussing your plumbing and why it might not be operating as it should be.


You might also like: New around here? Read our family’s adoption story

Handling adoption during the holidays: The comments

Most people in your family will probably not intentionally say things to hurt or embarrass you. If you have that one relative who always picks a fight or if your family is prone to some eggnog fueled drama, you probably already know it.

“Your sisters had no trouble getting pregnant. There’s got to be something wrong with you.”

“You never know what you’re going to get. What if the real parents are on drugs?”

“Oh, you’re taking the easy way out.”

Whether a comment was made with the intent to hurt you or not, have a strategy in place to protect yourself. That can be anything from limiting who you interact with during the holidays to declining invitations to excusing yourself and going to another room. My best advice here is to make sure you and your partner are aligned on how you’ll handle invasive questions or rudeness. There’s a line between borrowing trouble and assuming the worst and being prepared to support and protect each other.

How to handle being around kids

Being around kids impacts everyone differently. If you’re already a parent, seeing children at holiday gatherings probably isn’t a big deal. If you’re in the process of adopting, particularly if you’re in any phase of your adoption where the waiting is wearing on you, being around other kids may be harder. Spending time around other kids might make you pine for what you don’t have yet. 

If you know being around kids upsets you, think about how you’re going to handle it. Offer to help cook or figure out a way to stay engaged with another activity. Can you adjust your plans? Stop by for dessert versus spending the whole day or even look at opting out this year. Consider ways to spend time with individual family members or friends one-on-one instead of in a small group. 

I remember going out to Sunday lunch with my husband when we were in the process of adopting our son Zack. Since both my daughter and my mom were in another country, it had escaped me that it was Mother’s Day. I never thought I would have any sort of reaction over seeing mothers and kids together so my teary reaction to all the families out to lunch with mom took my husband and I both by surprise. Instead of relaxing and enjoying what I had in front of me, I turned a nice day into being upset because it was May and we weren’t expected to travel to complete our adoption for another few months (we ended up traveling in late August.) 

Being around a bunch of kids and babies or around pregnant women if you’ve come to adoption through infertility or miscarriages might be triggering. I wouldn’t borrow trouble and by that I mean worrying about a situation that might not happen, but if things feel different to you this year, spending a couple of minutes thinking about how you might react to certain situations might save you some stress and reduce tension among family members. 

Try something different this year?

If this is a time of change for your family, why not go all in and really switch it up? Start new traditions. Think about how you’re going to celebrate the holidays with your new child. If this is your first child or your first child together, spend some time talking about how you might incorporate the different traditions you and your partner might bring to the new family dynamic. I remember being really surprised when my husband didn’t want to let our son (adopted in August) open Christmas presents from family on Christmas Eve because that’s how we’d always done it growing up. If you’re waiting on an adoption, this is a good time to dream and plan and have those conversations. 

One family tradition to consider starting with your new child is to add a Christmas ornament for each year. There are some beautiful, adoption-themed ornaments you can order and the Christmas while you’re waiting to adopt might be a great time to check some of them out. This one is my favorite because it commemorates the adoption without being too “in your face” and it’s something that you’ll feel good about putting on your Christmas tree for years to come. Etsy has lots of options and it gives you an opportunity to support a small business. 

You might also like: Adoption Christmas ornaments you will love

This is also a good time to start thinking about being selective about what invitations you accept. Whether your adoption wait is making you anxious or you cringe thinking about dealing with people’s questions at parties, this might be the year to dial it back. Actually, I think this is good advice for anyone. Sometimes the hustle and bustle of the holidays gets to be a bit too much and if we’ve got something going on in our lives that’s taking extra energy, maybe it’s time to take a few things off of the calendar. 

Everyone’s feelings and family/friends circle are different. What might be no big deal to one person might be something that puts a real strain on another person. Everyone sees adoptions differently and the one thing that really surprised me was how my feelings changed throughout the process of two adoptions. It really was an emotional roller coaster. Handling adoption during the holidays isn’t going to look the same for everyone. Looking back, the best advice I could have given back-then me was to slow down and listen to my inner voice telling me to dial it back a little bit, especially during the holidays.

You might also like: Why you should give an adoptive mom a baby shower

 


Leave a Comment

« Want to know how to manage UTIs? ellura has a way!
Yummy Fall Pumpkin Banana Smoothie »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Recipe Rating




This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

All About Jill

I'm a digital content creator and essayist who copes with parenting and most other situations with humor and snark. Just so you know, if this weren't the internet, I'd be smiling awkwardly and answering simple questions like "How are you today" with gems like "I like pockets."

I really do love pockets, though.

I spent 26 years in the USAF, which went by really, really fast. I'm very proud of my service but I'm loving my second act even more. Writing gives me the opportunity to flex my creative muscles and that's what makes me happy. Welcome.

Read More…

Recent Snaps

rippedjeansandbifocals

Freelance Writer & Travel Expert
Producer, Listen to Your Mother SA
💜Mom via birth & adoption
🐈 Human to @remusthebengalcat
🇺🇸 USAF veteran
📍#texas

Jill Robbins
Anna Maria Island - highly recommend. The beache Anna Maria Island - highly recommend. 

The beaches are beautiful - I mean...look at this turqouise water - and they have the softest white sand. There are lots of cool shops and restaurants to check out and a very relaxed, family-friendly vibe. 

Anna Maria Island is about 40 minutes from the Sarasota-Bradenton airport. There are four new nonstop flights on @southwestair from Houston Hobby, Nashville, BWI and Chicago Midway. The flights are all short ones - 2-3 hours - and it offers a quick way to get to these beautiful beaches. 

I think the water was a teensy bit cold for swimming but people - mostly kids - are getting in there. This is a great spot for family spring break. 

Hosted by @visit_bradenton 

#ami #annamariaislandflorida #annamariaislandlife #annamariaisland #brandetonflorida #bradenton #lovefl #floridabeaches #visitflorida #visitbradentongulfislands #visitbradenton #floridatravel #beachlife #springbreak #springbreaktravel #everydaymom #familytravel #travelingmom #TMOM #familyvacation
No one is allowed to eat or cook in this kitchen u No one is allowed to eat or cook in this kitchen until further notice. I'm only kind of kidding. (sponsored)

The pros from @maidprosanantonio were here today and we're doing takeout for dinner and enjoying all the shine and noticeable lack of fingerprints. 

Maidpro San Antonio serves a large portion of the city and the surrounding area and I'm thrilled that they're now in my neck of the woods. Visit the link in my profile and use the code JR2021 to get $100 off a recurring cleaning. #maidpropartner 

I'm totally happy with their services. It gives me some time back in my day to do other stuff and having my kitchen shine like this just makes my happy meter go up, up up!

I know it won't last for THAT long but I'm trying not to think about that! 

#maidpro #maidproday #maidprosanantonio #alamocreatives #sanantoniotexas #satx #satxbloggers #igsanantonio #sanantoniolife #cleanhouse #cleankitchen #takeoutthursday
(AD) Do you ever feel like you’re standing at a (AD) Do you ever feel like you’re standing at a fork in the road? Like…literally? I have been bouncing back and forth between a certain business decision for about a year. I might act like I’m sure of my path but I’m really not. So, I decided to talk to a psychic advisor from @californiapsychics 

Talking to a psychic advisor is pretty far out of step with how I usually make decisions, but in the interest of testing my comfort zone, I decided to go for it. I had an awesome 30-minute conversation with Psychic Tara that started with me giving my given name, birth date and the most pressing question on my mind. She connected with my guides and gave me some hints at things they see on the horizon as well as some reassurance that my path is the right one. Among other things, I’ve been wrestling with the idea of slowing down versus trying to grow. Tara said I will know when it’s time to slow down and there is still some soaring to do and some important people to connect with.

I’m not sure what I believe when it comes to cards and oracles and guides, but I can tell you I came away from the reading with Tara feeling reassured and energized. It was a very positive and affirming experience. 

If you’d like to get your own reading (I highly recommend!) you can go to the California Psychics website or download their app to book your reading today and use promo code ripped5 to get $5 added to your account when you purchase your first reading.

You can do your reading in the privacy of your own home via a phone call, like I did (I like the voice connection) or via a chat box. They’re open 24/7 and have a wide variety of prices to fit your budget. 

Give it a try! It was a really great experience for me, and it offered clarity with a situation I’ve been struggling with.
#CaliforniaPsychics  #CPMakeTheConnection
Two things we don't get much use for in Texas: hea Two things we don't get much use for in Texas: heated seats and snow pants!

Last week, I was glad we had both on hand. More coming about the Nissan Rogue soon. And one more picture of the crazy snow from last week before we're all convinced it was a dream. Single digit temperatures in Texas was pretty crazy. It's in the 70's this week. 

#Nissan #NissanRogue #AGirlsGuideToCars #SheDrives #WinterDriving #TexasSnow #TexasKids #texas #girlswholikecars #mamaadaily #idrive #happyymums #carsforwomen #carsformoms #snowday #texassnowday2021 #texassnowday2021 

@nissanusa @agirlsguide2cars
I have a long list of things that happened in 2020 I have a long list of things that happened in 2020 that I didn’t expect. One was Remus. He’s been a great and entertaining addition to our family but he is hands down the STINKIEST animal we’ve ever owned.

#AD Fortunately, we’ve got something to help us combat that litter box smell and all the other stinks that we deal with in a home with two boys...need I say more? @febreze  Small Spaces are perfect for the small, smelly spaces in your home: litter box areas, bathrooms, and laundry rooms.

Febreze small spaces are small but mighty. They provide corner-to-corner coverage for complete odor control and freshness for up to 45 days. It has a clean, modern design that you can use with any decor. The clear front shows you when it’s time to replace.
Febreze Small Spaces 4-packs are available for a limited time at @samsclub  for $9.98, which is a great price. Each 4-pack contains 2 each of Linen and Sky and Unstopables Fresh, both which smell much better than Remus’ litter box!

Buy Febreze Small Spaces at your local Sam’s Club or with convenient Club Pickup now for a great price. Grab yours before they’re gone.

For more info, check out the link here or in my profile>>> https://bit.ly/3p7CyAC

#SmallSpacesBigStink 

@samsclub @febreze
Load More... Follow on Instagram

Copyright © 2021 Ripped Jeans and Bifocals by Krizzy Designs

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Cookie settingsACCEPT
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled

Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.

Non-necessary

Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.

SAVE & ACCEPT