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Encourage Independence and Cry When They Don’t Need You

June 4, 2019 by Jill 2 Comments

We are at a family camp in Missouri this week. Camp No Limits is a camp for limb different kids. It’s a traveling camp held in several locations around the United States each year, meaning the core staff and programs are the same but the camp (and campers) vary based on location. The camp we’re at right now is owned and operated by the YMCA of the Ozarks and many different types of groups and families come here, so while our group of campers is made up of limb different individuals and their families, the actual facility is for everyone. I think I said the same thing in a couple of different ways but let’s move on.

My youngest son was born with an upper limb difference. Specifically, he is missing most of his right hand. He has cartilage where most people have bones but he lives a live without limits, as the name of the camp suggests. One of the biggest things he gets out of attending camp – he is almost nine and this is his third year coming – is seeing people like him. We can tell him he’s just like everyone else in character and ability but his outside looks different than most kids he sees every day and I know there are times when that is a really big deal. Being exactly like everyone else for just a few days and getting to hang out with peers and mentors who are limb different while having fun in a camp setting is pretty priceless for our family and we schedule around it every year. It’s important. 

This post doesn’t have anything to do with limb differences, by the way. Not really. I just wanted to give you background in case you’re new around here or not familiar with my family’s story. 

Typically, my son has been a little shy and hesitant when we first walk in to camp. He sheds that shyness really quickly but like most people in a new situation, he needs a minute to get his bearings and find his comfort zone. Before camp, he told me he was nervous about meeting new people and being in a new camp location. We’d previously attended the Texas camp and this was our first time attending the Missouri location, so it was a new location. I said all the encouraging things moms are supposed to say: 

“You can do it.”

“I believe in you.”

“The other kids will think you’re great.”

“Just get out there and talk to people. You’ll make friends really fast.”

And he did exactly that. From the instant he arrived at camp this year, Zack has been that outgoing kid who is making new friends. Learning new skills. Raising his hand. Getting out of his comfort zone. Signing up for all the things. 

I’ve always encouraged my kids to be independent, to talk to different people and to try different things. While Zack has never been the velcro kid who peeks out at the world from behind my leg, the kid I’ve observed this week is somehow…different. I am full of both pride and tears. 

He doesn’t ask for help with his tray in the cafeteria. He doesn’t look for what table I’m at. He looks for his friends. 

When it’s time to go swimming, to archery, or to group sessions, he runs ahead full throttle and dives into what he’s doing with gusto. I struggle to keep him in sight. He is not looking back to see where I am. He doesn’t need the reassurance that I’m close by. I know we’re in a controlled setting with people we trust. I know he knows the difference between being at camp and running off by himself on busy city streets but this first glimmer of independence is bittersweet. I am seeing that first glimpse of the young man he’s going to be. I know “don’t blink” is something we say as parents but those two words have never hit home with me like they have today.

I’ll keep encouraging him to do big, bold things. I’ll keep telling him he can and I’ll keep watching after he stops saying “Hey mom, watch this.” In a non-hovering way, of course. I hope. 

Today was a perfect, bittersweet, Midwestern summer day. My highlight was when my son ran up to my with a plastic bag full of yellow goop and told me “I want to sit down with you and talk to you about this slime I made. I want to tell you all about it.”

I never thought I’d be so grateful to have a conversation with an eight-year-old boy about slime. Still, here we are. 

 


2 Comments

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Comments

  1. Nick North says

    June 4, 2019 at 10:44 pm

    I love so much that Z has the opportunity to go spend time with people who look like him and get his struggles in a way no one else can. So often seeing ourselves reflected back to us can be everything! You’re giving him such a gift with these camps I’m sure if it!

    Reply
    • Jill says

      June 5, 2019 at 9:19 pm

      Aw, thank you so much, Nick! I appreciate your words.

      Reply

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All About Jill

I'm a digital content creator and essayist who copes with parenting and most other situations with humor and snark. Just so you know, if this weren't the internet, I'd be smiling awkwardly and answering simple questions like "How are you today" with gems like "I like pockets."

I really do love pockets, though.

I spent 26 years in the USAF, which went by really, really fast. I'm very proud of my service but I'm loving my second act even more. Writing gives me the opportunity to flex my creative muscles and that's what makes me happy. Welcome.

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rippedjeansandbifocals

Freelance Writer & Travel Expert
Producer, Listen to Your Mother SA
💜 Mom via birth & #adoption
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Jill Robbins
"Intelligence + Character. That is the goal of tru "Intelligence + Character. That is the goal of true education." Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

I saw a lot of posts about Martin Luther King yesterday when I was doing my scrolls through social media...on a day where I wasn't supposed to be ON social media, ahem. We hear and see a lot of Dr. King's words and quotes one day a year. So, instead of apologizing for posting this "a day late" I'll share that I'm challenging myself to remember some of these important words more than one day a year.

Our kids are watching us right now. I mean...they're always watching us but I think what they see in these times is more important than ever. Nuturing our kids' intelligence and character is more important than ever. My kids are 10 now - this picture is about four years old - and they are absorbing EVERYTHING we say, how we say it and even what we don't say. 

This mural is near the suspension bridge in downtown Waco. Waco is famous for all the Magnolia things but there's a lot there for families, too, and the park around the bridge is a great place to explore along the Brazos River. 

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#raisinggoodhumans #raisingboys
Here’s something you’ve probably never seen be Here’s something you’ve probably never seen before: my bottom teeth.
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I always hide my crooked bottom teeth in pictures and I’m super self-conscious when I talk. So I did something about it.
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I wore braces as a kid and my top teeth are straight but my bottom teeth are shifting and one tooth is traveling into the back of my mouth and I have some crowding. My orthodontist said it’s very unusual to put braces on just half your mouth but my bite is still aligned so they didn’t have to put them on my top teeth - my wallet is thankful.
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6-9 months.
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Other questions? Advice?
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This probably seems like a little thing but this is huge for me. The mental benefits of not having to set my alarm on a schoolday is truly my love language. I would rather have sleep than flowers or presents. 

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My husband isn't "doing me a favor" by taking care of our kids. When I talked about being stressed and tired during an argument last year, he offered to take some things off my plate and giving me two mornings where I don't have to set an alarm was one of his ideas. It's part of the give and take of marriage and even though it makes me clench a little when I see spilled milk or stuff that hasn't put away, I appreciate having a partner who shares the load with me. 

My marriage definitely is not perfect and I'm in no position to give relationship advice. But for us, this one little thing is a really big deal. 

And, as I've recently discovered, a cereal box can sit on the counter for several days and the world doesn't explode. Who knew.

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We got our first Raddish Kids box right before the We got our first Raddish Kids box right before the holidays and finally dug into it this weekend. Our box had a cold-weather theme which was perfect for this cold weather we're having (flurries in San Antonio can you believe it?!)

Each box contains three recipe cards, a culinary tool, an iron-on patch and Table Talk conversation starter cards. A shopping list is included and also emailed to you in advance in case you want to be ready to cook as soon as your box arrives. You buy all the groceries yourself. 

We made homemade chicken and dumplings this weekend and they turned out amazing. If you need modifications (i.e. gluten or dairy free) you can hop on to the @raddishkids website and go to the "Bonus Bites" section. You'll find modifications, food videos, extra recipes, parent info and more fun stuff. 

The price ranges from $20-$24 per box depending on what type of subscription you choose. Boxes are designed for kids 4-14+ with varying degrees of supervision needed depending on your child's skills and age. Kyle and i have done two meals from this box - we still have cookies left to make - and worked together about 50-50. It was a lot of fun. 

To order yours, here's my affiliate link https://raddish-kids-monthly-delivery.sjv.io/edoAr or read my full review (link in bio)

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