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I can do it all – I just don’t want to

July 6, 2016 by Jill 6 Comments

Moms are pulled in so many different directions every day. Every hour.

We’re pressured to do all the things and be all the things. Often the pressure is self-imposed but it is pressure just the same. I blame Pinterest. And whoever invited the term “Mom Guilt.”

We tell ourselves that we’re not up to snuff if we don’t have clean houses and clean children who wear clean clothes. We make excuses if we don’t feed our little angels an all-organic diet or lie about how many times we have Pop Tarts for breakfast. Or for dinner.

We feel like we’re sucking at life if we don’t zealously meal plan and practice mindfulness. My meal planning is sporadic despite my best efforts and I’ll confess to not really knowing what someone is talking about when they tell me they “practice mindfulness.”

We expect ourselves to achieve this elusive thing called “work life balance,” inject creativity and fun into our daily activities, keep the spice in our relationships with our partner and probably a whole bunch of other stuff I’m too exhausted to try and remember.

I could make excuses to myself for cutting corners. I could remind myself that no one can have it all or do it all. Isn’t that how the cliché goes?

But I say I actually can do it all. I just don’t want to.

We got home from vacation yesterday afternoon, our annual trek to the Texas gulf coast where we indulge in four full days of doing a lot of nothing. We unloaded the van and opened the windows. There seemed like there was a lot to do. There always does after four days of doing a lot of nothing. Real life and real responsibilities tend to creep up on you, don’t they?

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There was the vacation laundry to do. Suitcases to unpack. Beach stuff to hose off and put away. That mystery stuff in the pink bowl in the back of the fridge that has to be dealt with since I forgot to throw it out before we left. I forget what it used to be.

I can do it all - J just don't want to|Ripped Jeans and Bifocals

In OUR family, say cheese means pretend you’re asleep or refuse to look at the camera, no matter WHAT.

There are lunches to pack for day camp. Swimming lessons.  Calls to return. Emails to answer. Deadlines. Regular life. There are boxes of stuff and suitcases all over my living room floor. Someone’s underpants are under the coffee table. All I know is that they aren’t mine. I’m pretty sure they aren’t mine.

Last night’s dinner dishes that I was too tired to take care of before I went to bed are still piled in the sink. A grocery list to make and shopping to do. The house is in post-vacation chaos.

I tell myself that if I can just throw myself into high gear, I can have everything ship shape in a few hours. If I just put my mind to it, my family can be “back to normal” in no time. I won’t get to rest, sit, or drink my coffee while it’s hot but my house and my family will give the outward appearance of normalcy.

But I don’t want to. Maybe I’m just cranky because the vacation is over and it’s no longer acceptable to have a wine slushie at 1:30 p.m. just because. Maybe I’m mad because my husband is plodding along like it’s just any old day, ignoring the state of disorder that is our house. Or maybe, I just want to ease back in to regular life at a gentler pace and not rush around like a mad woman, picking up, straightening, and putting back to order.

So, I don’t.

At first the clutter and the chaos bugs me. I ignore it and start to “meal plan” reassuring myself frozen chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs are no reason to feel bad about my parenting or organizational skills.

I look at the clutter, not loving it but accepting it’s presence for the moment, refusing to let it dictate how my day goes or stress me out. I tell myself “I can do it all. I just don’t want to.”

I finish my book that I started on vacation. I look at my vacation pictures, trying not to be critical of my jiggly thighs or my poochy midsection. I try not to hone in on that wobbly area under my chin that wasn’t quite that wobbly in last year’s vacation pictures. I try to ignore that self-critical little voice in my head and tell myself that other things got in the way of going to the gym five times a week this past year. I vow to do better and to manage my time better. I tell myself I’m enough and I believe it.

I think about my youngest son who had his sixth birthday at the beach. I think about his birth mother and I wonder what this past year has brought her. I wonder if she thinks about him on his birthday and ten I tell myself I’m being silly because of course she thinks about him on his birthday. I wish there was something I could do to give her peace of mind. I spend a few minutes trying to send her good thoughts and happy mojo and I wonder if that works. I hope it does.

And I ignore the clutter.

And I think maybe I need to readjust my definition of doing it all. And having it all. Aside from not having a post-lunch wine slushie, I think my life is pretty close to perfect.

I can do it all - J just don't want to|Ripped Jeans and Bifocals

And besides, it’s five o’clock somewhere, right? And, I’m still kind of on vacation.

Thank you for being here, friends.

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6 Comments

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Comments

  1. Nicole says

    July 7, 2016 at 6:22 am

    My kids had Cheerios for dinner last night and they were thrilled!

    I’m with you. My life is great. If I did “it all,” I think I’d miss out on enjoying what I have.

    Enjoying your “vacation.”

    Reply
  2. Sasha says

    July 7, 2016 at 7:38 am

    Love it! Often we have cereal for dinner and shove the pile of clean clothes to the side of the bed so we can sleep because time is this elusive thing I just can quite capture enough of and I’m not willing to let life fly by me while I’m in chaos cleaning mode. It will get done.

    Good job and happy sliding back into life day!

    Reply
  3. Lori Holden says

    July 7, 2016 at 11:17 am

    Happy birthday to your son!

    And I totally get the post-vacation heap o’ things to do. Totally makes sense sometimes to just continue the vibe at home. Cheers *clink* !

    Reply
  4. kimmie says

    July 7, 2016 at 11:59 am

    Yep…yep…yep!!!!! All of the yeps!!!! We were in “the wilds” of Wisconsin for a week….then there was the 4th of July….then my husband had 2 more days off!!!! All four of us were slugs. We took a few baby steps. The kid are teenagers so they did tiny things. Didn’t want to shock anyone on re- entry. PLUS. It’s summer. Slow your roll and enjoy the time.

    Reply
  5. Shecki @ Greatly Blessed says

    July 7, 2016 at 7:48 pm

    We just got back from vacation, too. I did 3 loads of laundry the first night we were home and sort of burned myself out, lol. Now I’m waiting until dh goes back to work before I tackle the rest of what needs to be done. He’s still on vacation, so why shouldn’t I be?

    Reply
  6. girl stuff says

    July 9, 2016 at 9:24 pm

    I love this post!

    knowing you can do it all, and then choosing not to, that is a form of self-care. Yep, you can do it all, and nothing is stopping you. but it’s nice to say “nope, not today”. and you know what? the world is not going to come to an end, your kids are not going to starve to death, the house is not going to burn down, the Clean Police are not going to come and arrest you. It’s very freeing to know the universe will not end if you choose not to do it all.

    Reply

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All About Jill

I'm a digital content creator and essayist who copes with parenting and most other situations with humor and snark. Just so you know, if this weren't the internet, I'd be smiling awkwardly and answering simple questions like "How are you today" with gems like "I like pockets."

I really do love pockets, though.

I spent 26 years in the USAF, which went by really, really fast. I'm very proud of my service but I'm loving my second act even more. Writing gives me the opportunity to flex my creative muscles and that's what makes me happy. Welcome.

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rippedjeansandbifocals

Freelance Writer & Travel Expert
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💜 Mom via birth & #adoption
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Jill Robbins
Happy Wednesday. 📷 taken at Wasserman Wranch n Happy Wednesday.

📷 taken at Wasserman Wranch near Alpine. Check my bio link for more information. 

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"Intelligence + Character. That is the goal of tru "Intelligence + Character. That is the goal of true education." Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

I saw a lot of posts about Martin Luther King yesterday when I was doing my scrolls through social media...on a day where I wasn't supposed to be ON social media, ahem. We hear and see a lot of Dr. King's words and quotes one day a year. So, instead of apologizing for posting this "a day late" I'll share that I'm challenging myself to remember some of these important words more than one day a year.

Our kids are watching us right now. I mean...they're always watching us but I think what they see in these times is more important than ever. Nuturing our kids' intelligence and character is more important than ever. My kids are 10 now - this picture is about four years old - and they are absorbing EVERYTHING we say, how we say it and even what we don't say. 

This mural is near the suspension bridge in downtown Waco. Waco is famous for all the Magnolia things but there's a lot there for families, too, and the park around the bridge is a great place to explore along the Brazos River. 

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Here’s something you’ve probably never seen be Here’s something you’ve probably never seen before: my bottom teeth.
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I always hide my crooked bottom teeth in pictures and I’m super self-conscious when I talk. So I did something about it.
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6-9 months.
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Little things can really be big - do you agree? M Little things can really be big - do you agree?

My husband gets up with our kids twice a week and does their breakfast and morning routine and takes them to school so I can sleep in. I don't laze away the morning in bed - it usually amounts to about an extra hour of sleep for me and a little more peace and quiet as I start my day. 

This probably seems like a little thing but this is huge for me. The mental benefits of not having to set my alarm on a schoolday is truly my love language. I would rather have sleep than flowers or presents. 

On those morning where my husband takes my kids to school, I will inevitably find the kitchen not "just so." There will be spills on the table or something that didn't get put away. I resist the urge to be sarcastic or to ask "Um, is there a reason we have four boxes of cereal just sitting on the counter?" or point out that it would take less than 30 seconds to wipe a tabletop or put a box back on the shelf. I resist saying stuff like "I guess if I want it done a certain way, I have to do it myself." I don't even say that to myself. 

My husband isn't "doing me a favor" by taking care of our kids. When I talked about being stressed and tired during an argument last year, he offered to take some things off my plate and giving me two mornings where I don't have to set an alarm was one of his ideas. It's part of the give and take of marriage and even though it makes me clench a little when I see spilled milk or stuff that hasn't put away, I appreciate having a partner who shares the load with me. 

My marriage definitely is not perfect and I'm in no position to give relationship advice. But for us, this one little thing is a really big deal. 

And, as I've recently discovered, a cereal box can sit on the counter for several days and the world doesn't explode. Who knew.

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