My children are adopted from China. We draw some stares when we’re out and about, mostly because my kids are really cute, but also because it’s pretty obvious my husband and I are…well, not Chinese. I don’t always like the attention, but I kind of understand it. Our family looks a little different and people are curious about the story of how we became a family.
Sometimes this curiosity brings negativity. Often, questions and comments about our multiracial family are nosy or ignorant. One comment that I’ve always disliked is “they’re so lucky.” I especially dislike the “so lucky” line when it's said in front of my children.
My husband and I don’t see our adoptions as a good deed and we certainly don’t want our children to be placed in the position where they’re encouraged to see it this way, either. While I can list 101 reasons they are lucky to have such a cool mom (I’m only kidding a little bit) it makes me sad when we call a child “lucky” because they have a family, food in their bellies and someone to kiss them goodnight. I don’t want my boys to grow up believing they should be grateful that their mother and father love them.
I recently met a Chinese man who congratulated me on giving my kids a home. This made me feel awkward. I didn’t want accolades for wanting to be a mom. But what he said next was not awkward: “Your love has changed these children’s destiny.”
These were powerful words and true ones. The man who said these words to me has probably long forgotten them. He probably has no idea what an impact his statement has had on me.
The other side of this coin is that loving these children has changed my destiny. I understand where people are coming from when “so lucky” comes out of their mouth, although I wish they wouldn't say that. Are my adopted kids lucky? Maybe. Am I lucky? Absolutely.
Thank you for reading.