My children are adopted from China. Sometimes people stare at us. I like to think this is because we're a nice-looking family but it's probably because people notice my husband and I are…well, not Chinese. I usually don't like the attention, but I kind of understand it. We look a little different and we stand out. People are curious about how we became a family.
A version of this post was originally published on Mamalode in 2015.
Sometimes this curiosity brings negativity. Often, questions and comments about our family feel nosy or ignorant. One comment that I’ve always disliked is “They’re so lucky.” I especially dislike the “so lucky” line when someone says this in front of my children.
My husband and I don’t see adopting our boys as a good deed and we certainly don’t want our children to be placed in the position where they’re encouraged to see it this way, either. While I can list 101 reasons they are lucky to have such a cool mom (I’m only kidding a little bit) it makes me sad when we say a child is lucky because they have a family, food in their bellies and someone to kiss them goodnight. I don’t want my boys to grow up believing they should be grateful that their mother and father love them.
When we were in China for Kyle's adoption in 2013 – you can read more about our family's adoption story here – I met a Chinese man who congratulated me on giving my kids a home. This made me feel awkward. I didn’t want accolades for being a mom. But what he said next was not awkward: “Your love has changed these children’s destiny.”
These were powerful words and true ones. The man who said these words to me has probably long forgotten them. He probably has no idea what an impact his statement has had on me.
The other side of this coin is that loving these children has changed my destiny. I understand where people are coming from when “so lucky” comes out of their mouth, although I wish they wouldn't say that.
Are my adopted kids lucky? Maybe. Am I lucky? Absolutely.
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