To all the mamas who are having hard days…
If grades were given out in this thing called motherhood, last week would probably have fallen somewhere between a D+ and a C-, depending on the generosity of the teacher.
I don’t aim for perfection in parenting. I’m mostly shooting for above-average. Most of the time, I think I succeed.
But not last week.
I know motherhood is all about peaks and dips. Some days are good, some days are even golden and easy. Then, you have your bad days where your small humans can’t find their shoes, throw up on you, or throw a tantrum because you made them eat cereal from a Spiderman bowl instead of Superman one. Because what were you thinking?
But when a mom has a really bad day or when there are too many medium-bad days strung close together, it wears on you. It’s disheartening. Patience runs out. Your threshold for losing your shit pretty much does not exist.
I had one of these days last week.
It was the second-to-last store in a multi-store string of errands at the end of a long, tiring day – the craft store. Because a sane woman takes two tired, cranky five-year-olds to the craft store…AKA an inviting den of colorful, delicate and breakable stuff that you screech at them not to touch while bribing them with overpriced candy from the bin next to the checkout line. Please say that’s not just me.
On the way to the craft store, we’d passed the place where my boys get their hair cut and one of them got it in to his little cranium that we needed to go get a trim right then and there. I tried to explain that haircuts weren’t on the agenda for that day and my stubborn little dude was having none of it.
Have you ever been shopping with a five-year-old who screams “I wanna get my hair cut right now” up and down every aisle of the craft store?
And you know, I can never freaking find what I need in that maze of DIY goodness. I wanted paint, which is not a simple thing to locate. There’s paint on aisle three…except for the kind of paint that’s all the way over on aisle 27 but don’t get that confused with the paint that’s locked up waaaaaaaaaaay in the back of the store by the kids craft kits (because that makes sense) that they keep under lock and key because people like to huff it.
I was “that mom,” the mom drawing stares from other shoppers. Some of the stares were sympathetic. Some were amused. I mean…I would probably laugh if I saw a kid having a hissy over a haircut, especially a kid who clearly was not in need of barbering. As I was browsing and trying to keep the kid who wasn’t crying from pawing the scrapbook paper that was positioned perfectly at his eye-level, he grabbed my wrist and snapped the elastic on my bracelet.
And then I snapped, too.
I became “that mom” who yelled at her kids in public. I was the mom who cussed at her kids in public. I was tired, hot, and a little hangry and as those beads flew all over the floor, I lost my cool and became one of those train wreck moms people stare at while pretending not to look. The kind of train wreck moms that people unobtrusively record on their phones and upload to YouTube.
I seriously hope that hot mess isn’t on YouTube.
But you know what? That moment doesn't define worth as a mother. I am a good mom. I picked up those beads and stuffed them in my purse. I picked up my head and told my kids to move along. We didn’t buy paint but I bought them candy if for no other reason that it made me feel a little less guilty for behaving like a crazy person.
I'm a good mom who had a bad day.
I’m not going to beat myself up. I’m not going to tell myself I’m a lousy parent. I’m not going to pick apart what I could have done differently, done better. I’m going to dust myself off, take a deep breath, love my kids and try again.
Because that’s all I can do.
I’m a good mom but sometimes, I stumble. A bad day doesn’t make me a bad parent. To all the mamas out there having hard days in the trenches, remember that. You’re a good mom, too, but even good moms have their moments. Trust me on this…it takes one to know one.
Thanks for reading!
We’ve all been there, and need the reminder to take it easy on ourselves. I cannot count in my fingers house many times I’ve been thankful my daughter forgives me and forgets or moves on because its a new day.
I think that every mother can relate to this post. I love it when you say ” A bad day doesn’t make me a bad parent.” Just like when our kids have a bad day they are still good kids. It is an important lesson to pick ourselves up and try again tomorrow.
Since my husband leaves for work super early, I have to get both kids ready for school and daycare, while attempting to get myself reading for work. As soon as I wake up I remind myself to be patient, but some mornings I turn into THAT mom. Just a crazy raving lunatic… then once everyone is dropped off I drive into work feeling HORRIBLE. It is the worst, but we just need to try to remind ourselves to do better tomorrow. I’m only human. A human who is late for work. every. single. day.
Amen! Thank you for the reminder, I need it a lot. I have days and times when I think that I’m doing such a good job at this parenting thing but then even more times when I see where I’ve lost patience, snapped at my kid and just was not anywhere close to being my best for them. But it’s ok, tomorrow is another day and just keep doing the best and just because I had a bad moment, doesn’t make me bad. Thanks for the reminder!
We all have bad parenting moments. It’s just pick ourselves up and striving to do better the next time!
Aw, I can so sympathize with this! Except my kid is usually having a hissy fit BECAUSE he is getting his hair cut! lol And I, too, have had meltdowns and snapping moments, some of which I am SURE my little guy does not remember, but I still carry with me. Tomorrow is another day!
I have so much love for this post. I love how honest and candid you are – gosh haven’t we all had our crazy moments? It’s so easy to beat ourselves up but you have so many truth nuggets in here that are definitely #wordstoliveby
Thank you!! I have had a day recently that I am ashamed of, I needed this reminder that it doesn’t define my mothering.
Thank you for your honesty and humor to boot! I’m sure a lot of moms felt validated for their own bad days, like, “Whew, I’m not the only one.” So you did a service to many moms that day! 😉
Bad days can be hard on a Momma’s heart but I often give myself the talk, similar to what you share in this post. I have to remind myself that I’m human and that I’m not perfect.
This is so true. It’s so easy to dwell on the bad days, but I’m going to take your advice and dust off and move on.
I’ve been there more times than I care to admit. Thank you for sharing this.
Oh I hear you. I call those days the mom-ster days. we all have them, don’t be too hard on yourself! And no way that ends up on You Tube!
We have all been there! I wish more people realized that they are not alone in the “bad days”. We have been in string of just crap happening and several kids having hard times with different things. I’m sure my day to snap is right around the corner!
Thanks for sharing this, and making us feel a little better when it’s our turn.
I think the best way to think about it is the good out weigh the bad days. Every deserves to have them from time to time. As long as you keep positive you will be great.
I’m not a mother yet, but I can imagine the hardships that a mom has to go through every day. This has been very insightful, for sure! Thank you for sharing it with us.
I’m not a mom, so I can’t speak from experience in this respect, but I think that we all have days where we snap, regardless of cause. At least I know I do. Heck, sometimes, even my dogs cause me to lose it a bit when they won’t stop barking. All we can do is hope for a little grace from those around us and hope to find a bit of it ourselves.
“I’m a good mom, but I had a bad day” Words to live by! Sometimes, it’s not the kids that are the most stressful – but the looks we get from other moms!
I do not have kids, I would love to be blessed some day, but I encounter many situations at my job when kids are acting up and I always try to understand what’s going on. I don’t think we are entitled to judge somebody when they are scolding their kids, everybody can have a bad day, after all we are humans made out of flesh and bones and we have feelings.