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Some people just aren’t cut out for camping

June 25, 2016 by Jill 2 Comments

Is camping in your summer vacation plans this year?  Are you stoked and ready to rough it and get one with nature or are you just going along with it because you couldn’t figure out how to get out of it? Read Sasha’s account of “almost” camping.

TIME: 10:04 PM

WHEN: THURSDAY NIGHT

SCENE: LIVING ROOM

I was sitting in MY spot on the couch, the one curved to my butt, conformed after 6 years of sitting in exactly the same place every night. That’s over 2,000 days of sitting, in case you’re wondering how long it takes to create a butt pocket in YOUR couch.

My husband, Mac was in HIS chair, sipping on his FOURTH glass of Jack Daniels Sinatra whiskey, which may or may not be directly responsible for this conversation.

Mac is scrolling through his phone, showing me the occasional funny story, or joke or picture of another dog we don’t need. But then, he stops scrolling and starts reading. And he keeps on reading.

Finally, he starts reading out loud ~

“Classic Inca Trail, only $849 for 7 days. Maybe we should do this.”

Me, not really paying attention: mmmmkkkk

Mac: Stay in 3 star hotels, trek the legendary Inca Trail in 3 days with access to porters, chefs, guides, and plentiful camp food.

Me: Chefs sounds nice, but I’m not really into camp food….

Mac: Test your limits with 3 full days of trekking on the trail, ascend through lush jungle along rugged mountains. At each day’s end on the trail, enjoy a comfortable camp setting complete with gourmet meals prepared by your professional chef. After 26 miles of trekking, reach the ‘Sun Gate’ and be greeted by one of the Seven Natural Wonders of the World.

Some people just aren’t cut out for camping

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Me: Ummm…TWENTY SIX miles..MILES of trekking. You know I don’t ‘trek’…right?

Hmmm…wonder if I could get cell service up there?

Mac: We’d better get in on this quick. They only allow 500 permits per day and demand is high. It’s only $849 per person.

Me: Look, here’s a 7 night cruise for ONLY $999 a person, AND that includes ALLyour alcohol. But I don’t think you need any more tonight, because if you think I’m gonna TREK anywhere, you’re already way beyond help.

Mac: Lemme see what’s included….3 nights tent camping, ground transportation, professional bilingual guide…

Me: Better be able to speak Southern Redneck Slang….Oh look, it’s a room with a BALCONY on the ship…’cause I ain’t sleeping in no tent…

Mac: Daily breakfast, foam sleeping mattress, Oxygen bottle…

Me: HOLD UP! If you think I’m going on ANY vacation where an OXYGEN bottle is part of the Required Equipment, you are so very confused.

Mac:  It does say ‘best for the no-frills  Adventure Seeker on a Budget. And we know you like some frills.

Me:  And you know if it doesn’t have a mattress (yes, a bed is a ‘frill’ for me), electricity for my hair dryer and a fridge for my wine, I’ll be staying home.

And THIS, my friends, is why we’ll be doing a little ‘Staycation’ this summer….

Oxygen bottle, my ass….

Why some people just aren't cut out for camping|Ripped Jeans and Bifocals

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Sasha

Sasha is a redneck, barefoot, rum and tequila drinking Southern Belle. She’s still trying to figure out what she wants to be when she grows up but anything involving Margaritas is a top choice. Sasha says:

Raising a granddaughter, caring for a father who lives in my yard and making sure my husband, Mac, has clean underwear for all his travels keeps me pretty busy, but I still have time to scope out recipes I’ll never make on Pinterest, answer comments from folks on Facebook and act like I know what I’m talking about at the occasional business meeting.

If you think Sasha sounds fabulous (which she is) check out this awesome opportunity to meet her in person at her Giggle & Snort Tour  in the Charlotte, NC area this July. I’m seriously thinking of how I can be there…mostly because of the glitter. If she’s in your neck of the woods, you should check her out. For real.

My favorite meme from Lipstick, Margaritas and Hairspray…click on the image and you’ll go straight to Sasha’s Facebook page, which is a very happy and glitter-filled place.

Forensics 101|Ripped Jeans and Bifocals
Thank you for reading!

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2 Comments

« How to survive a road trip with kids
I can do it all – I just don’t want to »

Comments

  1. Theresa (@DearCreatives) says

    June 29, 2016 at 3:36 pm

    I used to be cut out for camping, backpacking and trekking. Then I had 5 kids. Let’s just say I’ve had my experiences packing to take them out on a camp trip, hike… And now, I’ve hit the age where if there isn’t a cabin or hotel room with a bed, close to water. Count me out. I’m still up for hiking to take beautiful photos but, not sleeping on the ground, worrying about meals, lots of dirty clothes to come home to and stuff to unpack.

    Reply
  2. MyCamperFriend.com says

    March 23, 2018 at 7:06 am

    Thx 4 sharing. Loved it.

    Reply

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All About Jill

I'm a digital content creator and essayist who copes with parenting and most other situations with humor and snark. Just so you know, if this weren't the internet, I'd be smiling awkwardly and answering simple questions like "How are you today" with gems like "I like pockets."

I really do love pockets, though.

I spent 26 years in the USAF, which went by really, really fast. I'm very proud of my service but I'm loving my second act even more. Writing gives me the opportunity to flex my creative muscles and that's what makes me happy. Welcome.

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rippedjeansandbifocals

Freelance Writer & Travel Expert
Producer, Listen to Your Mother SA
💜 Mom via birth & #adoption
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Jill Robbins
Happy Wednesday. 📷 taken at Wasserman Wranch n Happy Wednesday.

📷 taken at Wasserman Wranch near Alpine. Check my bio link for more information. 

#texastravel #westtexas #texastodo #welovetexas #texaskids #donkeysofinstagram #westtx #texastravel #onlyintexas #alpinetexas #alpinetx #igtexas #igtexasphoto #alamocreatives #heymama_love #texasblogger #satxbloggers #texasthingstodo #miniaturedonkey #miniaturedonkeysofinstagram
"Intelligence + Character. That is the goal of tru "Intelligence + Character. That is the goal of true education." Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

I saw a lot of posts about Martin Luther King yesterday when I was doing my scrolls through social media...on a day where I wasn't supposed to be ON social media, ahem. We hear and see a lot of Dr. King's words and quotes one day a year. So, instead of apologizing for posting this "a day late" I'll share that I'm challenging myself to remember some of these important words more than one day a year.

Our kids are watching us right now. I mean...they're always watching us but I think what they see in these times is more important than ever. Nuturing our kids' intelligence and character is more important than ever. My kids are 10 now - this picture is about four years old - and they are absorbing EVERYTHING we say, how we say it and even what we don't say. 

This mural is near the suspension bridge in downtown Waco. Waco is famous for all the Magnolia things but there's a lot there for families, too, and the park around the bridge is a great place to explore along the Brazos River. 

#martinlitherkingday #martinlutherkingquotes #wacotexas #wacoheartoftexas #wacohot #texastravel #texastodo #onlyintexas #texaskids #texasfamilies #alamocreatives #igtexasphoto 
#raisinggoodhumans #raisingboys
Here’s something you’ve probably never seen be Here’s something you’ve probably never seen before: my bottom teeth.
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I always hide my crooked bottom teeth in pictures and I’m super self-conscious when I talk. So I did something about it.
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I wore braces as a kid and my top teeth are straight but my bottom teeth are shifting and one tooth is traveling into the back of my mouth and I have some crowding. My orthodontist said it’s very unusual to put braces on just half your mouth but my bite is still aligned so they didn’t have to put them on my top teeth - my wallet is thankful.
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Questions I’ve already been asked:
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1️⃣ At your age? Yes, at my age. I still care about my smile. 
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3️⃣ How long do you have to wear them?
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6-9 months.
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3️⃣ Do they hurt? 
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My teeth are sore and my mouth is tender but not to the Tylenol level so I guess the answer is “Not too much.”
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Other questions? Advice?
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#braceface #adultbraces
Little things can really be big - do you agree? M Little things can really be big - do you agree?

My husband gets up with our kids twice a week and does their breakfast and morning routine and takes them to school so I can sleep in. I don't laze away the morning in bed - it usually amounts to about an extra hour of sleep for me and a little more peace and quiet as I start my day. 

This probably seems like a little thing but this is huge for me. The mental benefits of not having to set my alarm on a schoolday is truly my love language. I would rather have sleep than flowers or presents. 

On those morning where my husband takes my kids to school, I will inevitably find the kitchen not "just so." There will be spills on the table or something that didn't get put away. I resist the urge to be sarcastic or to ask "Um, is there a reason we have four boxes of cereal just sitting on the counter?" or point out that it would take less than 30 seconds to wipe a tabletop or put a box back on the shelf. I resist saying stuff like "I guess if I want it done a certain way, I have to do it myself." I don't even say that to myself. 

My husband isn't "doing me a favor" by taking care of our kids. When I talked about being stressed and tired during an argument last year, he offered to take some things off my plate and giving me two mornings where I don't have to set an alarm was one of his ideas. It's part of the give and take of marriage and even though it makes me clench a little when I see spilled milk or stuff that hasn't put away, I appreciate having a partner who shares the load with me. 

My marriage definitely is not perfect and I'm in no position to give relationship advice. But for us, this one little thing is a really big deal. 

And, as I've recently discovered, a cereal box can sit on the counter for several days and the world doesn't explode. Who knew.

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Anyone else having massive “This time last year” moments?
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2020 started out so fine. We extended our kids’ winter break to take them on a Disney Cruise- no better reason than that, amiright- and I was excited about all the Disney Cruise blog posts I was going to write. Disney Cruises are (errr...were?) one of the most searched terms on my website and how a lot of people found me.
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Early 2020 was such a time of hope and light that pretty much everyone took for granted.
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While it’s become glaringly obvious the change in the calendar isn’t a magic potion, I still have hope for this year and still believe there magic yet to happen.
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You know...the good stuff.
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#believe #disneycruise #disneycruiseline #disneycruiselife #disneywonder #disneymagic #disneycreators #disneycreatordays #mondayxmhe #disneymagicmoments #nowmorethanever
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