Ah, fall. The crisp cool weather. The turning leaves. The fun of getting my sweaters out of storage.
That all sounds nice. One problem: I live on the center of the sun (AKA San Antonio, Texas) so fall for us happens sometime in early February. Okay, I kid, but only a little. Besides, even though it might not feel like fall, I get to experience the magic of fall that I am missing though the magic of the Internet.
Summer is over. Forget the fact that it’s still a craptillion degrees here and that I’m still dealing with mega boob sweat. The 70 aisles of autumn leaves and sparkly, glittery pumpkins at Target tells me fall has showed up to the party. I heard a rumor Costco already has Christmas stuff out. I can’t look.
But you know what I love most about fall? Watching the pumpkin spice haters getting wound the hell up. You know what I mean. Someone on your friends list possesses a deep, dark hatred for all things pumpkin spice and isn’t shy about letting everyone everywhere know about it.
It’s flavored coffee. People look forward to it all year…either that or they look forward to the whole “love to hate” aspect of it all. I don’t get why people get their undies in a bunch because the Internet goes on and on about pumpkin spice.
Pumpkin spice Pumpkin spice Pumpkin spice Pumpkin spice Pumpkin spice Pumpkin spice Pumpkin spice Pumpkin spice Pumpkin spice Pumpity Pump Pump Pumpkiny spicy spice!
Are you still here? Okay, good. I had to get that out of the way.
I’m not a pumpkin spice latte girl…I’ll just put that out there. I like my coffee to taste like coffee, not pumpkin, gingerbread, peppermint or whatever the hell else the holidays tell me my coffee should taste like.
But if that’s what trips your trigger and tantalizes your taste buds? Rock on with your bad pumpkin spice loving self.
If you’re a pumpkin spice hater, I say this: just get over yourself.
Here are four reasons why:
1. Pumpkin spice is not the only seasonal consumer product that people go cray cray crazy over.
The pumpkin frenzy will pass…and then it will be time for the internet to gripe and moan about the Elf on the Shelf. Poor Thanksgiving. That’s my absolute favorite holiday and it gets so shafted.
2. Pumpkin spice isn’t hurting you
If your loved one has a pumpkin spice problem, odds are he or she is still behaving like a decent human being. Other than maybe having an expensive coffee habit, pumpkin spice addicts are still generally productive members of society. Men don’t stay out all night drinking pumpkin spice. Women don’t ignore their children’s needs because they’re focused on nothing but getting their hands around a warm cup of that foamy goodness. Okay…well, maybe that second thing might be a problem for some.
3. Pumpkin spice isn’t taking over the planet…
…although it kind of seems that way. Yes, there are pumpkin spice flavored bagels, cream cheeses, cookies, bakery products out the wazoo, body lotions, candles, condoms (yes, really…people are weirdos.) There is a lot of pumpkin spice stuff around…it’s not going to take over the planet. It might seem like it’s taking over Panera Bread and Starbucks but I have to say, pumpkin spice baked goods don’t suck. Pumpkin spice wants to be your friend. If it’s not your thing, just deal for six weeks. Like all good things, it will come to an end.
4. Psst…you know this stuff doesn’t actually contain pumpkin, right?
Pumpkin spice flavored stuff is actually pumpkin free. Can you chill out about this or does it make you hate pumpkin spice all the more? Do you think Starbucks is damaging pumpkin’s reputation? Do you resent pumpkin spice because it’s posing as authentic pumpkin? And what is pumpkin, anyway…a fruit? A vegetable? A decorative product? I don’t know. So many questions, right?
So. When it comes to fall, I think of pumpkin spice and I laugh because it seems like there are two kinds of people in this world: people who love pumpkin spice and people who love to hate it. Chill and find something else to appreciate about fall…the beauty of foliage, the heady smell of candy corn, or the fact that there’s not a giant stream of sweat rolling down the back of your neck toward your butt.
It’s only a flavor…it’s just coffee, man.
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